To Love The Past That Has Yet To Come
by ocmanda
Summary: Hermione fell in love with the insane glint in his eyes. She fell in love with the way he held her none to gently. She fell in love with how much he loved. She broke because of his death. She died because of the coldness left in her bed after he went for another. AU. Time Travel.


So this story will not go further than this. if anyone wished to take it do so, but let me know so i can read it. i dont own harry potter or the characters. its not prof read, i did go through it once but i most likely didnt notice mistakes.

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><p>"To love is to destroy, and that to be loved is to be the one destroyed." ― Cassandra Clare, City of Bones<p>

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><p>Tears slowly left Hermiones' eyes as they took in Sirius's' body next to her. She had been in the past for a month and already she was failing. Mostly it was Sirius fault; she wasn't prepared for the young man. He was everything like his older self, but more handsome and he had a way with words.<p>

The minute Minerva brought her to the safe house of the Potters', Sirius has wormed his way into her heart, and like a silly girl she fell for him. She fell for words and his smile, but really it was not her fault. She had never been hit on by a man like him, so her defenses were lacking in that area. And the fact that she was in an emotional uproar from the results of the second war and then having to come here to the first and see all the dead people that were alive. It was a little too much, and she just needed to have arms around to not break.

Sirius shifted in the small single bed causing Hermione to close her eyes knowing what was about to happen. She felt the bed dip down and shift signaling that there was major movement from her bed mate. Then bed rose higher because there was less weight on it, she knew he left her bed and was making his way to the door. Then after he successfully got out of her room, he would head to his bed, to Marlene. It broke her heart every time. But she craved him like liquor and needed him like water. He made her forget, made her normal for one moment.

Hermione had to admit the reason she fell for the Marauder was mostly due to his future self. Ever since she saved the half lunatic from getting the kiss, he held a special place in her heart, and he knew that. He often used to his advantage, Hermione often called him a Slytherin for do such a thing.

He often wrote her during the school years, but mostly to make sure that Harry wasn't trying to get himself killed. She was sure he practically had a heart attacked at some of the things she told him, mostly during third year though. However, he did seem generally interested in how she was doing during their fourth year, and in the rare moment when she told the truth he made her laugh.

"Ronald is a dunderhead and I'm surprised he can tie his shoes let alone see that he is bypassing such a beauty." His words made her smile, and for a moment she was happy…until she turned and saw Lavender and Ron eating each other's faces.

He was also there for her when her parents were killed. She hadn't told anyone it had happened, because they died the muggle way and because she didn't want them to look at her with pity. There was enough going on her mind and if she had one look of pity that dam holding her emotions would break.

The only reason Sirius found out was because he followed her one afternoon and found her trying to sell her parents practice, which she was able to do with the help of her muggle aunt. Sirius thought Hermione was having a secret meeting with death eater, how he came to that conclusion she didn't know, but he ambushed her and forced veritaserum down her throat.

"Who are you?" his deep velvet voice was low and deadly, Sirius's wand was trained at her throat ready to strike if need be. Hermione was beyond annoyed, she was coming out of her bed room to get some tea when she was pulled into Sirius room. Under heavy kicks from her he tied her to a chair and he poured the potions in.

"Hermione Jean Granger!" she was beyond livid, and if Sirius was going to be honest she scared him. She was spitfire and her anger tended to be uncontrollable. One time she 'accidentally' set Ron's pants on fire during an argument about her cat eating his cookies. She said it was an accident, but the gleam in her eye when he cried out in shock, not pain because they were cold flames. When Ron patted them out Sirius saw Hermione moving her lips breaking the spell she put on him.

"Are you a death eater or associated with any death eaters?" he growled the last part. She had to remind herself that this man in front of her has seen and felt horrors beyond her, and hurting her would be like swatting a fly. He was a crazy old dog and must be handled with care, one wrong move and he'd kill her. However, it was hard to keep her anger from bursting, because he was infuriating.

"No! How can you ask something so absurd!" tears were threatening to fall from her eyes, she thought Sirius trusted her, she thought she held a place in his heart as well. To give him credit he looked rather guilty. His hand palmed his face and he clasped on his old red oak bed frame. His rough large hands running through his silky midnight black hair while he was clasped on the mattress.

With little struggle Hermione was able to wordlessly and wandlessly disappear the ropes holding her to the chair. Gently walking to him like he was a wild animal on the defense, she laid her small hand on his shoulder. She understood why he did what he did, Harry. Everything he did was for Harry, and he would be dammed if an occurrence like Wormtails happened to Harry.

Letting out a huge breath Sirius looked up at Hermione and what she saw haunted her mind for many months. Sirius looked broken. Tears were running down his face and he looked so lost. Hermione gathered him in her arms and cradled his body in her lap rocking back and forth, while smoothing his hair whispering sweat little nothings in his ear.

"What if I fail? What if I fail him? I'm not good enough to be his godfather! I always told James and Lily that Remus would be better at this. I have no idea what I'm doing." Sirius was having a rare moment of insanity. Ever since he got out of Azkaban he was worried his time there messed him up too much, to the point were helping Harry was impossible. He feared the insanity he gained there was going to beat out facts he knew.

He knew Hermione was not a death eater but that little voice in his head kept whispering until it was a full on scream that she as hiding something just like peter, and that she must be killed before she hurt him…Harry. And now as she comforted him, he felt even worse because that voice was still chirping _'she hiding something padfoot, you know she is. Kill her before she kills you.'_ His mind has finally completely gone bloody mad! _'Padfoot can't you feel the softness of her skin? The warmth? Such things cannot be trusted. Remember that bird from school? She broke your heart; kill the mudblood before she kills you.'_

He was clutching his head trying to make the voices stop because they sounded strangely like Voldemort. His body was shaking, sweat pouring off of him; he didn't even hear Hermione call for Snape. All he could do was fend off the voices from his mind. It felt like a snake was biting into his skull and repeating kill her over and over.

Severus Snape was just about to leave the dreadful headquarters when he heard the know-it-all call for him. Her voice sounded was rather high pitched making him pick up his speed. Where it led him caused him to pause. He was at the bedroom of one dreadful Sirius Black. However when Ms. Granger called for him again he entered and shut the door roughly to not allow anyone else entrance, for what he saw frightened him.

Hermione held Sirius tightly to her body; his was shaking so roughly that she feared they'd fall off the bed. She was terrified. He was muttering about killing her. Saying he needed to kill the mudblood so that she couldn't kill them. She knew it wasn't Sirius talking but it still hurt none the less. As Snape entered her only hope was that he could fix Sirius.

Snape looked beyond tired and the bags under his eyes were not he only clue to this, he wasn't being snarky. He looked genuinely concerned. He instructed Hermione to lay Sirius out so that his head hung off the bed. Snape sat down in front of Sirius, who was struggling weakly, and put his hands to Sirius temples. She held Sirius down as Snape worked through his mind. Sirius doubled his efforts trying to throw her off, causing many bruises, and in a moment of her own pure insanity, her lips met his pulse point on his neck, he stilled.

Snape sighed, Hermione unknowingly calmed Sirius mind with that kiss as well, and what he found made him cringe, Sirius lusted for the girl. Because of his lust Voldemort was able to gain control and use his lust against him. Snape finished putting up all the walls needed to block Voldemort, they were unstable because it wasn't his own mind but Sirius's. The man would just have to learn how to block his mind.

Hermione watched as Snape slowly opened his eyes and nodded. Gently rose without a word, but when he got to the door he turned his expression blank as he spoke to her, "Voldemort was able to get into his mind because of its weakened state from his time with the Dementors. It would be wise if he learned to shield it. I put some up but shields made by a person's own mind are a lot stronger." He turned again with no expression leaving her to stare at the man in her arms.

So Hermione set out to help him shield his mind, and with that she told him the truth of the woman she was with. From that day on though something changed within Hermione she no longer saw him as Harrys' godfather, but a man how she cared for, a man who held her as she told him about her parents, and a man who she un-doubtfully loved.

The encounter was before the department of mysteries, before he fell through the veil. When Bellatrix hit him with that stunner, her mind just went blank as he flew backwards, slipping into the veil. With Harrys cries Hermiones felt her legs give out beneath her. A cold sweat took over her body. Her mind was just blank. Nothing.

She was like this for some time, staring vacantly ahead while going through the motions of life. She somehow finished her fifth year at Hogwarts, but she had nowhere to go. In her state of despair she never made living arrangements for the summer and no one asked because they didn't know her parents where dead.

Hermione didn't want to go to the Weasleys. Mrs. Weasley was too overbearing and if she went there she would have Confringo herself. She didn't have any other options though. They were currently exiting the train and it would soon become apparent that there was no one here to get her. Hermione was in full out panic when she was dragging her luggage behind Ron and Harry. Her mind searching every corner she could stay. There was the leaky cauldron. Right! Her mind focused on that, she'll stay at the cauldron.

"Hermione your parents asked me to bring you home." My eyes looked up at Remus, he knew, and bless him he was offering her a home. It wasn't long after being at Remus's home that he realized how depressed she was. His cure? He told her she was being pathetic, and that she was disgracing Sirius's memory because he wouldn't have mourned her until after her killer was dead… then he ordered her to go clean the attic.

It was in that attic that she found the stupid mirror. The fucking mirror, which called her name and begged her to touch it, was the reason she was now crying in a weirdly lumpy bed as Sirius walked away from her.

The stupid mirror that showed you what your heart truly desired, the mirror of erised. Dumbledore said he destroyed it… guess not. That mirror kept her breathing throughout the war. Every second she could spare she was in front of that mirror. It showed Sirius just sitting there smiling. She would tell him about the war or just her life. After the war that's all she did was sit in front of the mirror until one day he held out his hand. Somehow Hermione knew that he wanted her to take his hand, she thought it would lie against the glass but it went through, and kept going through until she was sitting in Dumbledore's office.

Hermione turned towards the door and brought her knees up to her chest. She wandlessly sound proofed the room. Then she wailed. She screamed in sadness and she screamed in fury.

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><p>"I write you a letter that begins<br>With I love you and ends with I love you and  
>Somewhere in the middle is one goodbye for<br>Every hurt" - Patricia Smith


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